Friday, May 22, 2009
Unfortunately, until the order is signed it still feels like war mode. The two sides have come to an agreement, but with out the paperwork it's still just talk to me. I know it's been said 100 % but this battle scarred Mama will put my sword down when my boy is home. We as a family have been through so much. My husband practically paced a track in the tile, stared out the window, and has had imaginary conversations with Judges, police, lawyers and even her to prove that what he has been saying is right.. that Conor is being harmed. No she wasn't putting cigarettes out on him or leaving him roaming naked in the street, but the psychological abuse that a boy who just wants his mommy to be ok, for her to be there when he wakes up and not just wandering through the door. With that said, I know that Conor has had a not just stable, but a strong foundation from being raised by my husband and by what myself and Evan have brought to him. He got to feel what a family is supposed to feel like and so did we.
I look forward to the relief of hearing that it's really really really over. I've had these bursts of emotion... consisting of joy, relief and really scared that it might not happen that keep bubbling to the surface that i keep pushing down in hopes that when i can let go of the three years of worry and anger and frustration and confusion that all of the love and hope and sheer bliss that I will feel will be the most incredible feeling I've ever had.
Thank you to all of the wonderful understanding friends that we have. Thank you to my wonderful headstrong relentless husband for never giving up even when I thought I couldn't take it anymore. Our boy is almost home for good.